Last night I deleted my personal Instagram account and deactivated my personal Facebook account. I’ve been wanting to delete my social media accounts for some time now, but this week a few things transpired that pushed me to it.
My intention with taking myself off of social media is to be closer with others, not to distance myself. What I am distancing myself from is the "illusion" of connection that social media provides. This illusion at times prevents me from actually connecting with people because my brain is “tricked” into thinking it’s getting the closeness that it needs. This is what social media was designed for - to provide the proverbial “dangling carrot” but never actually bestowing it. Social media doesn’t make us happy, it only keeps us distracted.
The feeling that we are all doing things just to get photos and videos of it to post online has always bothered me, in myself and in others. I’ve always been a person that forgets to pull my camera out during events or vacations because I’m wrapped up in the moment. Somehow, this ability to be in the moment became an unfortunate thing, because I had no evidence or pretty photos of what I was doing and with whom. This kind of makes me sick.
The past few months when I’ve looked at my Instagram page, I’ve been starting to feel that I’m not sure how to convey the entirety of who I am by what I post. I know that social media is not meant to convey the entirety of a person, but I began to realize that I didn’t like that.
I have been having experiences lately where I am in touch with a universe inside myself. It’s everything that I am. From these experiences of myself, I no longer feel satisfied with certain aspects of life such as social media. It all feels empty now.
Additionally, I don’t want to be a part of a world that is so disconnected from truth. I was viewing a photo of a model where it was very obvious that she was surgically enhanced as well as perfectly made up and styled - not to mention the photo was edited to perfection - and her caption was the Helen Keller quote: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
I love physical beauty and I love good photography and great editing, and I have no issues with plastic surgery, but why not just own what your photo is expressing instead of putting a quote that completely goes against what your entire look is aiming at? It feels schizophrenic and sends conflicting messages, especially to people that are looking to these “influencers” as role models.
I’m a little scared. Scared that I’ll be irrelevant in my industry without posting a constant stream of videos and photos showing off what I can do on a pole and what my body and face look like. I’m scared I’ll never get another modeling gig again. I’m scared I’ll make less money because I don’t have that platform to advertise my services. I’m scared that I’ve become more reliant on social media than I previously thought and that I’m going to feel alone.
I’m glad I made this choice though. I have a feeling life is going to be better despite my initial fears and that I’ll actually feel closer to people and closer to myself. We’ll see what happens.