Reasons I Hate Frank Coffee Body Scrub

Oh my ever-loving God, I HATE THIS PRODUCT. 

Typically, I don't waste time talking about things I don't like...but in this case, I feel compelled because there have been so many rave reviews about this product, I wanted to offer a differing viewpoint.

I began seeing a ton of buzz about this body scrub product in the beauty blogosphere about three months ago and was really intrigued by all the hoopla - everyone and their mother seemed to love it. I got mine in the mail about two months ago and have been too lazy to use it (because let's face it, scrubbing your entire body down with a coffee-grind mixture is kind of a pain the booty). Today was the perfect day for me to try it out because 1.) I had remnants of self tanner that I needed to exfoliate and 2.) I had just drank some caffeine and was feelin' a lil' peppy. 

Reason #1 I hate this product: when I opened the packaging (which I will say, I do actually like because it's unique) I was disappointed that it was pretty much dried out coffee grinds. It was a powdery, grainy mess, not the paste that I was expecting. So...this shit was messy. Real messy.

Reason #2 I hate this product: the smell of coffee was overwhelming. I trudged on.

Reason #3 I hate this product: MY SHOWER AND BATHROOM WERE A MESS. Coffee grinds everywhere. I had to bleach my shower afterward because of the coffee/oil residue it left.

Reason #4 I hate this product: it did not exfoliate off any of the self tan I had going on. That's a big fat FAIL for a body scrub, because you know, that's like the one job a body scrub has: to exfoliate off dead skin and stuff. Yeah? No.

Reason #5 I hate this product: and this is really the icing on the cake: it made me smell like stale coffee.  For real, after my shower, I'm just chillin' on my couch binge-watching The Americans (which by the way IN LOVE with that show) and I kept smelling what reminded me of my father's law office - in particular, the kitchen in his law office that housed the coffee maker and 10 million mugs that had remnants of yesterday's coffee in them. Ew, yuck. Bad memories of dictation and making copies and angry clients. And old coffee. 

I got back in the shower and scrubbed myself down with those exfoliating gloves to get all the oil and coffee smell off me. NEVER AGAIN, FRANK, I say! Cute name, unique packaging, not-so-good product. Sigh. At least it was only about fifteen bucks.