With the inception of the United Pole Artists’ Bringing Sexy Back Week, I’ve been wanting to write a piece on what it means to be sexy. In my business as a pole dance instructor, I interface with many different types of women everyday; my customers run the gamut from those comfortable exhibiting their sexuality and love dressing and feeling sexy, to those that want to revel in this feeling they hear so much about, yet feel intimidated by it and that they could never be sexy because “it’s just not who they are.” What I try to impress upon these women is that this hazy and indistinct concept of being “sexy” is really not as out-of-reach and unattainable as they think – and when they shift their perception a bit as to what being sexy actually is, a whole new world of possibility opens up.
Everyone has their own preferences and definitions of what is sexy, but if one had to boil it down to some key characteristics, what could some of those qualities include? When I think of a person that is sexy, to me it is an energetic and electric quality they possess – their ability to be big, be playful, be loose – in other words, they allow themselves (and others) to be themselves unabashedly. A sexy person is also one that takes their time, not allowing anyone or anything to rush them through whatever it is they are doing. They use all the time they want and need to do the things they do and aren’t moved and swayed by what anyone else is doing, but instead are lost in their own joy and the joy of others.
When I think of sexiness, the word “overt” almost always comes to mind – and by overt, I’m talking about being true to and overt in exactly who one is in the moment. It’s about allowing an opening up of oneself to whatever is being felt in the moment. It’s about allowing oneself to be vulnerable to exactly who they are in any given moment without shame. This entails everything from feeling moved to spontaneously hug a friend to wanting to languidly roll around on the floor during a free dance session. After all, isn’t it our right to be free to be who we are, in any situation?
If you feel that being sexy is “out of your league” or an impossible goal, I invite you to rethink that belief. Instead of trying to be sexy, how about shifting the focus a bit and instead try to allow yourself to be free and playful and vulnerable? Allow yourself to be you, in the truest sense of the word. Go celebrate you this Bringing Sexy Back Week and every week! I guarantee, with this type of attitude, the sexy will always follow.