Confidence is an idea you hold independent of what anyone else thinks or says about that idea.
There are times when I am in the middle of doing something and I have a thought, inspiration or new idea that I want to expound upon and remember, but don't feel like writing it down in my planner. In these instances, I make a voice recording on my phone. I recorded myself this morning during my pole training because I had a revelation that relieved much of the frustration and the feeling "stuck" I have been experiencing for the past week. I'm talking here about a block - not just a a challenge to my mental or physical bodies (comparatively speaking, that type of challenge is relatively easy to push through). This block wasn't clearing up no matter what I did and it was really starting to bother me. What I saw this morning is that this block was actually opportunity in disguise. It was indicating to me that I had moved past my current level of mastery and was ready for something more expansive and complex. My tactics needed to be refined.
This recording is scary to share publicly because it was recorded for my personal use but doing scary things typically yields the result I seek in each new level of mastery I pass through.
I wrote this entry in my notebook just now and I share it here. I don't normally share personal notebook entries publicly, but today is different. If you can't read my handwriting, I typed it below.
Every day has been bringing revelation and humbling. When you shift into an elevated state of living, it's not always going to feel wonderful 100% of the time - at first. Things will come to the surface that feel uncomfortable. You can look at them and discard them, making way for the new, elevated state of being or you can cavort with them and instead stay where you are, where you've always been.
The uncomfortable thoughts/feelings that came up are supremely convincing and it can feel almost impossible to not engage with them. See them clearly for what they are: signals of old habitual trains of thought to be used to your advantage. Think of them as signals from beyond pointing you were to go, how to get to where you wish to be. Everyone's path is different, what my pathway is will be different than anyone else's so there are no hard and fast rules.
You can stay and live in this world or come into the world of your dreams.
Miracles 1 and 2 of the day.
Once in a while I repost one of my blog entries from the past either because I have nothing to write about currently or because I like to revisit things I liked. This video was pretty popular and even though I shot it almost two years ago, I still hear about "that cat-walking video in the crazy heels" to this day.
REPOST FROM AUGUST 15, 2014:
I can't turn down a dare, that's why. And also, because why the f*ck not?
Many people have a tendency to see little limitations in their loved ones, areas that they could improve upon that would "make them better". These limitations include such notions as "I wish she cleaned the house more" to "I'd prefer it if he didn't do ______" and I think we can all understand certain sentiments; however, perhaps we would all be happier if we instead focused on the unique, positive characteristics that our loved ones have instead of seeing where they "fall short". I put these words in quotes because it's not true that people are falling short - we only see that because that is the lens that we are choosing to view them through. That we are seeing faults in these people that we love so much is our fault. Think about if that person would be gone from your life today - I can almost guarantee you that you would missing that person so much and all the wonderful things that they offered you and you wouldn't care about those little things that you wished were different before. Let's all try to appreciate and love our friends and significant others exactly for who they are, not who we think they should be. Everyone has their own special talents and gifts that they offer and there is no such thing as a prescribed way that a woman or a man or a friend should be.
For example, men do not need to fall under the category that they should make a ton of money in order to be men nor do women need to be the perfect Suzy Homemaker in order to be the perfect woman. These societal expectations and ideals are damaging to our special (and yes, PERFECT) personalities and quirks. If you find yourself at any point focusing on a perceived negative quality about your loved one, try this instead: find one or two things that when you initially met your friend or lover stood out to you as so cool and awesome and so unlike anyone you'd ever met before. These things are the ONLY things that matter. Besides, it is my belief that when you focus so much on the good, the less savory aspects fall away from your attention and voila! You don't even think about them anymore and it's all good, right?
Note: I am not speaking of friendships or relationships that are abusive or dysfunctional. I am speaking of solid, loving relationships with people that are good and healthy for us, people that we are safe and secure with, that by all counts are our Forever Type Love friendships and relationships.
I'm good with chipped toenail polish
Bumps in my ponytails
Dust on the mantle
A kinda sorta not really - eh fuck it, it's unblended - smokey eye.
I'm gonna be just fine if there's a hair extension peeking out from my do
Or if my voice quavers sometimes when I get excited or nervous
I'm okay with clothes from the night before and the night before that on the floor, draped on a chair, Victoria's Secret on the chandelier
Cat fur on my blouse ain't gonna lessen my swagger
Handprints and some toothpaste on the mirror
Dishes in the sink from Sunday on a Tuesday morning.
Faded yoga pants, slightly sheer in a fold forward
I still feel fly as fuck with and extra pound or two or three
Legs unshaven for 2 days, who am I kidding, try 4
A slightly flawed tattoo isn't gonna rain on my parade
I'm okay with these things not being perfect.
When I was a girl, I dreamed of being a woman: amazing, beautiful, talented, kind, Miss America and a Boss Bitch
I like it a lil messy, a lil raw
And besides that
I've always been a little more rock 'n roll
Than beauty pageant.
To me, I'm still Miss America
Cause I rock my crown
Wherever I go
No matter what.
I get asked a lot: "What do you teach in your beginner pole dance class?" In this video, I dance using only classic sexy movement -the core of exotic dance - and as you can see, with the right amount of sass (and body tracing - I can't seem to stop tracing my body, hair, the floor, the pole...!), the most basic moves are super-sexy!
I teach women how to pole dance from the most basic level, and many of the moves in this video are the foundation of what my curriculum entails. Anyone can learn to dance sexy, feel sexy and be a pole dancer as long as they have the desire, the courage and a little bit of a rebellious spirit!
A list of exotic dance moves danced in this video are:
-Basic Pole Walk
-Backslide Down Pole
-Knee Hook on Pole
-Back Hook Spin
I got new studio pens! I got them about two months ago and decided to throw a contest for my students: submit a creative photo of themselves using their pens and the winner gets a studio gift card for $50. The entries were so fun that I had to make a blog post out of them. Here they are along with the contest winner which is the first photo in the gallery below - Congrats May!
Are you in the process of trying something new? Perhaps a new skill like dancing, or a new hobby like sewing - or maybe you're trying to change the way you think so that you can have a better life experience? Are you finding that it challenges you? Is it testing your patience? Maybe you've thought to yourself at some point during this new experience that you will "just never change, you'll never get it."
Sometimes things take time. Actually, many times doing awesome things take time. I know, we all want to be good at things right away...but think of it this way: you wouldn't go outside and plant flower seeds and then stomp your foot on the ground that day and demand, "Come on flower, grow!" You wouldn't do this because we've been taught that flowers need time to hatch and grow. Sometimes, we don't learn that same fact about ourselves and our desires.
Instant gratification is a great thing, but so is taking joy in the process of our desires. Instant gratification is a wonderful feeling that Amazon Prime provides me with on a regular basis; however, I have learned that taking joy in the process is a whole other story: different, yes, but brings me a joy that instantaneous pleasures can't hold a candle to.
Don't forget to every once in awhile sigh deeply. It feels good. Take a moment to stare off into the distance and let your mind ponder the wonder of growth, or the wonder of...anything, really. Celebrate a small victory. Celebrate another one, no matter tiny or seemingly inconsequential....did it make you feel good? Then it's a victory. Think about that metaphorical seed you planted. That flower isn't going to grow in a day, but when it pokes its head out of the soil and you see that bud for the first time, you'll know.
Post Script: I have been witness to many wonderful things in my life happening VERY quickly. Not all things take a long time to reveal themselves to us. In my experience though, these speedy blessings can only happen when that paradox of "being okay and enjoying the process" stuff is already going on inside you. You can't be pushy and impatient and be trying to force anything. Ah, paradox...you gotta love it. Actually, I do. ;-)